心诗

这是恋爱吗？

摸不到他，看不到他，闻不到他

只是一种传递在空气中

浓浓的思念。。。

渴望他就在身边

给你一个亲吻和拥抱

想探索他的轮廓

深吸他的气味

端倪他的五官

然后把他们，牢牢的记在脑中

鉴证一次，也许没有结果的爱。

你告诉自己，告诉他，有志者，事竟成。

但你又有多少分的肯定？

相见不难，相爱呢？厮守呢？

相见前相爱，本来就是违规

相见后无法厮守，这结果是否承受得住？

再强，再独立，看起来在无所谓的女生，

在爱面前一样无助。。。

告诉自己，给自己的心一份自由，

忘切这段艰难的爱

你不是一直都善于保护自己吗？

这次的你怎么了？

竟然无法下定决心，拖泥带水是你吗？

爱他，难道是不能改变的事实了吗？

我近几个月的纪念

很久没有上来说说话了，虽然拍了很多照片，统统都其实想放上来的， 但是一拖再拖，就拖到现在了。

这是很久以前在布特拉再也拍下的照片，我常跟着老板跑政府部门，所以趁机拍了一些照片，纪念我工作的日子。

由于在匆忙下拍摄，还要不被老板注意到，拍成这样应该算不错了吧！

这是在国贸大厦其中一层厕所里向窗外拍的景色，我也够无聊吧！可惜没能拍到国贸大厦令人震撼的全景（因为太大了）

对以上这些图片有概念吗？这又是我在工作的日子拍的，那天跟着马来同事吃饭后，他们到这个令我惊讶的建筑物去膜拜， 我没想过如此美观的建筑设计就离我公司不到五分钟以外。以上的照片是我在白天时赶快乘势用手机拍的，以下的则是我在晚上找到的夜间所拍摄的景象，我只有一句话，awesome!

你相信这在马六甲吗？（原来州政府的钱都投资在这里！）

以下的照片是在倒数2009时拍摄的，我过了一个比往年不太热闹的倒数，只跟宝春聊了两小时半，叫了两杯水就霸着风水位不走，哈哈！ 我被窗外激昂的人们感染了，所以抓起手机拍摄，可惜效果不好…

人们高兴得脱了上衣站在椅子上狂欢！很过瘾！

录影放不上来，‘doesn’t match the security guideline’. too bad!

以下的则是匆匆忙忙在吉隆坡谷中城拍下的新年设计，没有找到一个好的拍摄角度，是一个遗憾。

只是想把照片放上来，跟大家分享。

My movie marathon

Looking at my title, it’s not exactly a movie marathon, just a movie per day for like almost a week.

Ok, now starting my review list.

Friday-Twilight in GSC

- disappointing, the main role looks so so handsome in the newspaper! I got cheated! When look at him in the movie, i would rather say it is creepy~, rather than attractive. Too plain, too ghost-like, too weird~ Of course, I am not disappointed just because of his look, but more crucially the story. Erm…how should I say, too ordinary I guess, with some illogical plots. The girl’s pattern, I mean the feeling she projected, feels like one of my friend, who was actually watching that movie with me, haha! That’s the only thing I found interesting. And the love story neither mesmerizing nor beautiful and confusing you can say, not to say touching. it’s far away from the point. Ignoring the small details, just look at the big picture. Is there such vampire family who are all vegeterians? They can control their natural instinct? No way! And they actually help the girl, who is supposed to be their wonderful meal, to fight the their own kind?? I dunno, is this romantic, like, at all?

Okok, I know, too much bad comments which are pretty enough. So let’s proceed to the next in the list.

Saturday-The Prince and I in Joyce’s house

I din even finished half of the movie, so I guess there is not much to be commented about. But since I have no expectation, it is considered good enough to catch my undivided attention towards it for more than half an hour. A romance about the KIng and his queen, I already know the ending from the beginning. They would definitely get into trouble caused by the bad people and they sure will overcome eventually to come to the happy ending.

Sunday-The Other Boelyn Girl and MamaMia in my house

A surprise for me. The Other Boelyn Girl is actually very nice! I love the story, the actors and actresses. A good movie. And I guess it must be a great novel as well.

MamaMia, erm…it disappointed me a little for the musical part, not grand and exciting enough. I can’t avoid but to compare it to the Chicago, though they are different kinds of stories. But it is entertaining overall. Maybe this is it’s only intention. and it actually sells better than the Titanic. That is quite surprising I mean.

Monday-Iron Man

Nice! Nice! Nice! I already heard about how nice it is previously. It did not let me down. At least it is creative, and realistic (at least the war scenes). And it is not trying to project the iron man as the invincible hero, I like that. Nothing more than ordinary with sophisticated costumes with weapons. It’s Science, so it is easily acceptable.

Tuesday-Max Payne

Again, I am let down. Cause I have high expectation looking at the main role, played by the Jason Bourne (sorry forget his real name, but I like to call him Jason Bourne). I think I really like him much, making me extraordinarily excited to watch it. I guess the story is not good, at least not convincing, and it tries to be mysterious and deep, you know. Not my cup of tea.

Wednesday-Wanted

Another surprise for me! It is good! I like the beginning part when the main role talking about himself as an useless pathetic account manager. It creates such an ironic! And I like the surprise at the end, I even try to rewatch from the beginning to see whether there are some mistakes of the movie, but guess what,I cant find a single one, it cheated me like it cheated the main role, at least not as predictable as the Twilight.

Thursday-Eagle Eye

This is half done. I was so tired that I went to sleep right away. I am not sure whether it’s the movie prob or my prob, haha!

Friday-The day the earth stand still in GSC

I was pretty sad today when I got to know that I cant watch the movie “Body of Lies” I have long waited for. It is kind of frustrating! But again, I am surprised by this one. The story is actually good. and Keanu Reaves, as usual, fits the role (which does not require much emotion). The most funny part, is when he spoke Mandarin with the Chinese, cant stand, haha! The chinese’s mandarin is also very bad himself, so I cant complain much about Keanu Reaves, at least he is still very good-looking in the smart suit, just like he was in the Matrix.

Tomorrow I have no list. Got a busy day. Maybe sunday! haha…

what is going on in my mind

I start to realize that many things I can do in this two months to make the waiting for my visa a worthwhile period. Life is unpredictable, sometimes amazing. A major change can occur by just one decision you made in the night before getting into your sound sleep. I made my decision to start driving and cooking.

I guess it again proves that things happen for a reason. I am not prepared yet, perhaps. So I will take the time as the opportunity to learn and improve. I am now much more confident in driving, simply because I drive myself to some places and got myself into a traffic jam. Now i realized traffic jam boost one’s confidence in driving, haha! the key is to drive alone. You learn the best when you have to depend on yourself, though the risk is high. I have enough courage to go overseas all by myself, getting myself into unpredictable situations, so it is illogical not to have the courage to drive alone in Melaka, right?I am now not afraid of switching lane, traffic jams, and parking, simply because of an one-day driving experience. Though, I still dare not to attempt side-parking yet.

So now thinking of getting myself an International driving permit. Driving on the right side of the road in Belgium? Emm, I think I can do it, even though it is a reverse situation here in Malaysia. Probably I do not drive that often back in Malaysia actually helps. I can switch the habit easier I guess.

And for cooking, I think I still need to catch up a lot, at least on simple western cooking. Yeah, i going to do that this weekend. And my French, I wonder when i will start to take my own initiative to study that, haha! Books are ready, CD is ready…. French and German are essential to survive in Europe you know.

Now i keep my fingers crossed, I hope things wont get dragged too much. I will prepare myself and I do hope the outcome is able to tell me that all the patience is actually, worthwhile.

Dear Mum is leaving me for many days next week. So jealous, away to Sri Lanka! Moreover for a religious occasion. never mind, I shall go by myself next time. I have a whole life to spend….

That’s all for today, enough speaking to myself…haha.

deleted my post, damn!

Initially written a post about Julia, but accidentally deleted by myself, kind of lazy to repeat it….haha!

Anyway, it is a good experience, though not as great as what I thought it would be. At least, it pays off when Julia hugged me and said “thank you for everything!”

I did not help her much, to be honest. The weather is bad, the timing is not right. SHe got no chance to see more of Malacca as she had to leave for Penang. No other bus tickets left, only the earlier ones. She had no choice but to leave immediately. She hadn’t visited any of the historical places in the so-called “Malaysia’s World Heritage Site”. What a waste, to look from a tourist’s point of view.

I do hope Julia enjoy herself in Penang later. After all, I admire her bravery, determination and patience. Stated in her profile- no matter what happens, even it is a bad thing, they happen for a reason. Yay, suit my situation, my visa being delayed happens for a reason I guess. Haha.

These few days busy attending gatherings, after being neglected so long, my friends suddenly realized my existence, haha! It is not that bad actually, just being sarcastic to myself. I am more than glad to be remembered and invited by them and shall try my best to attend every single invitation.

After a holiday, going back to work tomorrow. And I am not sure how many times I have mentioned - it is pretty boring. But i think i can hold on, at least till CNY and see whether i get a big Ang Pow, worth trying, you know. Hope my boss isn’t a stingy one.

Writing a blog is like writing an open diary of myself. My memory is bad sometimes and may forget memorable moments, be it happy, sad or funny. So I think writing them down would be an excellent idea and this means, I should stop being lazy I guess.

I promised many people to open a travel blog spot , I hope I can keep my promise. At least this is what I promise myself. So, friends, wait for my travel blog spot. I shall try my best not to let you down!

julia-a friend from norway

Julia from norway

我的家之免费住宿篇

我的伟大签证，被告知要延迟知道结果。好的东西是值得等待的，我不断的安慰自己，况且我算是最后一批申请者，应该要算是蛮幸运的吧！也只能不断这样催眠自己。。。

上星期的马六甲游记，已经让我变丑变胖，三天三夜吃吃吃，加上马六甲晒死人不偿命的艳阳高照，青春痘一颗颗冒出头，体重直线上升，钱包重量直线下降， 哈哈，果真尽其所能地堕落。

结果这星期我又应朋友邀约，去吃了satecelup 和 ikan bakar, 真正视‘肥’如归！

今天招呼了一位norway来的朋友，julia来我家居住，想起了朋友盈而的部落格，他真心关心下榻旅店居住的背包客， 也许我该做得好一些，因为我觉得Julia可能觉得我和朋友们怪怪的，也许让他和朋友们见面不是一个那么好的主意，哈哈！不要紧，我还有半天可以挽救关系。作人家的贵人，就会有机会遇见贵人，我一直秉持这个原则去帮人，帮的多少是多少，当然也不会太为难自己。

我其实期望这是一个好经验，但是我还蛮失望的，因为julia看起来很累，我不忍心干扰她睡眠，而且他到过新加坡，实在也不多背包旅行的经验可以分享。 俄，真的有点失落。然后我发现其实有点战战兢兢，因为她告知我觉得新加坡食物难吃，又很闷，有点觉得难侍候。幸好，她喜欢roti canai.哈哈！

好了，明天我再好好和她沟通，希望情况有所好转。

祝julia有个愉快舒服的睡眠。

最近很累+背包旅游梦

最近很累，不知不觉在这个地方工作了两个多月，换了新办公室，我就坐在对着门口的地方，其实那也不失为一个好地方，虽然人来人往的，但大家反而不怎么注意我在干吗，反而坐在隐蔽的地方，随时会让到访的人吓一跳！反正不论我坐的偏僻还是临近，同事还是会把我喊到各个角落去。

我坐在老板房门外，是老板特别叮嘱的，老板爱找我，我也爱让老板找，因为疲于做一些不必用脑的工作， 可是老板不找则已，一找就拼命找，同时吩咐几样事物，而且还给于很短的期限，然后通常这种时候，就会有其他同事烦我，也不知道是不是因为自己忙，所以才特觉得烦，有可能。。。

无可否认，我做老板交代的事是有点马虎的，因为同事马虎的把资料给我（还要我三催四催兼挨骂），不愿交代清楚，我因为他们的懒惰交代，重复做了好多事，浪费公司资源，也浪费我的时间和气力，所以我不理，只要老板不要求，我何必拼死拼活，毕竟我从来没想要得到老板的欣赏，虽然他能满足我的自尊心。

老板开始不为小事麻烦我，那是值得高兴的。我不是完美主义，在时间仓卒的情况下更难于纠正过来，对方表达不清，是他的错还是错在我没有发问清楚，难道是我特厉害make my own assumption？

签证的事有点让我心灰意冷，也不是说不再期望得到，只是没有再期望尽快尽快得到，该来时会来，该面试也就逃不了，拖到明年若无可避免也就必须接受。

保险的性格不知是不是一种犯贱，潜意识里我还是怕吃苦的，所以在舒适和高薪之间，我才如此犹豫不决。我要不断游说自己辛苦赚钱旅游多多地方重要，还是舒适旅游稍稍地方重要，但是千里迢迢，不周游列国又好像有点说不过去。前者保险度40%，但说有多自由就有多自由， 后者限制多多，不能走， 薪金低，但保险程度达90%。 保险真有那么重要吗〉这么不敢冒险，要如何完成背包旅游梦？

我的背包旅游梦，我不会放弃，但时间已经磨掉了我的热情，后来想到当初不想further好像也是因为类似的原因，想到就觉恐怖。 不行不行， 我要一直一直一直地提醒我自己，这个背包旅游梦志在必得，我必须想尽办法去找为自己那股冲劲，努力吧！

心情恢复中

昨晚的甜睡，让我一觉到天明，打开眼睛，看见陌生的天花板，才猛然记起自己在丽丝的房间，而丽丝也很可爱的睡在我身边。

丽丝的房间很亮，大清早我就自然醒来，以为自己睡迟了。很奇怪，好像过了活动，反而和学妹的关系变得亲密了，都归功于我的厚脸皮，在人家家借宿，还要学弟一手包办交通。

所以在kl的这两天，我们就三人行趴趴走：大老板，大律师和大讲师，呵呵！小两口的亲密画面我已经见怪不怪，而我身为灯泡也不是第一次了，身边的男女主角都有在换，只是我这个女配角屹立不倒，哈哈！国际书展上，大老板主张小财不出，大财不入，企业管理股市金融的书最能吸引他大手。但只要有兴趣，非赌非嫖，又有何不可呢？大律师是我叫的，大老板都叫他老板娘。老板娘省吃俭用，实在值得投资将来娶回家，开源节流，不愧是大老板，眼光独到！

而我，也好不到哪里去，来书展捡了一本便宜，题目是‘独立是女人一生的功课’。里面字字珠玑，并不像其题目，不是叫人要逞强的一本书，而是由心的，为了自己和家人的幸福学习。里面引用很多证严上人的话，是女人在孤独困苦时的强心剂。若能领略并实践，相信终身受用。

我心情低落了一个星期，虽然没有完全恢复，但我也算渐渐离开低潮期，有时候事情不由得你放不开，做事要坚持，不要顾此望彼的，两头不到岸，这是学弟教我的。三人行，必有我师焉，多好的名句，贴切！

好了，两星期是我的期限，过了期限，冒险也是必然的，再等下去，也不知结果如何。

先让我清静脑袋，安然度过这星期吧！

Am I paranoid?

太好的事情都不会发生在自己身上。 有这种想法的人，我通常称之为paranoid. So, Am I paranoid?

我很害怕，签证一直不要出给我，我接到了很好的offer,我很担心他们这样就要飞走了。虽然他们都表明愿意用高薪请我，电话联络地址也提供给我任我查证，还催我快快申请过去，但我就是担心我最后一无所有，为什么签证这么久不要出给我？我很难过,度秒如年。

我已经等不下去了，每一秒都如坐针毡，每一秒都忧心忡忡，朋友说要帮我报名林黛玉征选赛，因为林黛玉也是愁死的，但是我比林黛玉丑，比林黛玉肥，所以我不要当林黛玉，丑死肥死也不要愁死！但是我现在真的很愁， 我该怎么办？

怎么好的事情真的会发生在我身上吗？我很怕期望也高，失望也大，我最害怕期望的感觉，好怕，为什么我不能豁然一些？再次证明佛学是真理，人生的痛苦原自于欲望， 看来我离佛陀的距离真的遥不可及，但正因为这样，我更崇拜他！

那天看报纸又学了一些佛理，佛陀是出家的世尊，观音是在家的世尊，百善孝为先，在家侍奉父母，也能立地成佛。也许真应该多修些佛里，做人才能豁然开朗一些。凡事尽了人事努力，就看上天旨意。

说了这么久，忧愁的心还是无法完全释怀，明天起公司没得上网，我一定会心焦如焚。